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POLY
REPROGRAMMING
by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. sashalessinphd@aol.com
Use the pattern I present to reprogram poly-relating
problems and pare pernicious imprints parents, priests and
the public perpetrated. Prune the imprints and we produce
the Pearls of Poly.
We attract people who enact our inchoate, underdeveloped,
suppressed, despised or otherwise disowned aspects, inner
voices, shadow subselves and hated habits. We see in those
we attract what we admire and what we dislike in ourselves.
Our lovers reflect parts we need to accept, honor and enjoy
to feel whole.
Use difficulties with each other to deepen intimacy.
Difficulties lead to emotional growth and deeper intimacy
when we work through them. Discuss and resolve them or, if
the difficulties seem irresolvable, relive and change past
scripts to see the opportunities inherent in the difficulty.
Keep the valuable learning and the adaptive inner voices we
developed to cope with the situation that fueled our upset.
Process upsets as they occur in interaction with lovers.
Example: when my mate Janet, or someone we’re loving feels
upset in a poly pod love-in, we stop sex and focus on the
upset person and ask what we can do for her. If she’s still
upset, we ask her to respond aloud to each of the cue
sentences below. Use these cues to move from upset to more
intimacy in similar circumstances.
Recall earlier–even childhood--times or invoke past life
images that resonate with the upset you’re having with me
[or ?].
Describe the earlier, similar situation your recall or
imagine.
Relive the upset; feel your body and emotions as you did
then.
Express your feelings to the people involved as though
they’re here.
What decisions did you make? How have those decisions served
you?
What inner voice developed to protect you?
Sit in a different place and roleplay that inner voice. Say
how you still serve her (or him).
What, Protective Voice, would you like her/him to appreciate
you for.
What, Voice, worries you about the upset s/he’s having now
with me [or ?]?
Return to your Center. Tell me ways you can coordinate the
needs of your protective, vulnerable and instinctual voices.
Say how you choose to relate to me [or ?].
Let us know on this site how this processing pattern panned
out for you.
Sasha Lessin, Ph.D., www.worldpolyamoryassociation.com |
World Polyamory Association 
