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After fifteen years of active
polyamorous dating, I discovered the style that works best
for me–the “poly love pod.” The poly love pod is a group of
beloveds that meet frequently to share love, intimacy and
erotic energy. Each of these beloveds love me, and I love
each of them.
I let go of my prior attachment to other poly relating
styles after I struggled hard to make them happen. I
searched long for ever-elusive poly folks willing to commit
to eccentric me and mine. Now, however, I surrender to
what’s actually happening. When I stop trying to create the
impossible, I realize I’m already in bliss, in love with my
pod.
In a poly love pod, some pod members share sexual
lovemaking, but sexual intimacy’s not required between all
pod members. We members affectionately call ourselves “podners.”
In our pod, the Lessin Pod, we share love in ways that seem
right in the moment. The pod system of relating lets us
connect safely. If you apply this model to your
relationships, you can connect intimately with others in a
system where you’re authentic, explore your personal truths,
express your emotions and share energy with your podners
based on what you feel in the now.
In the Lessin Pod, we make no demands of each other, only
requests. We needn’t be heterosexual, bisexual, gay, or even
sexual at all. We mix and merge with whomever in the pod we
desire, in whatever way we want as long as everyone involved
consents. Our pod environment, free from demands, creates
the ultimate feeling of safety, lets us express ourselves
fully and authentically. We’re free to show who we truly are
as we change and grow; our podmates accept us for who we are
as we evolve.
The Lessin Pod--four to twelve adults--meets often and
shares love in sacred ceremonies. We stay open to new
lovers; our pod welcomes new lovers with whom we can
synergize–create more positive energy than the sum of our
individual contributions. To determine whether candidates
for inclusion in our pod will be synergistic, we each get to
know each prospective new podner in depth. We discuss
candidates, reach consensus and ceremonially welcome them to
the pod with a tantric ritual. With ritual, we make our
lovesharing special, spiritual, sacred. As a group we heal
faster, learn from our interchange, grow, build trust, feel
safe and evolve to higher levels of awareness and
consciousness.
This April, our pod gathered at our home in the jungle of
Maui for twelve days of sharing, then continued our
communion with each other at the World Polyamory
Association’s Annual Harbin Hot Springs Northern California
Conference in May, 2006. On Maui we explored new ways to
create conscious community, ways to share resources, earn
right livelihood and continue what we love most: educational
and celebrative tantra, polyamory, song, dance and healing
workshops, conferences and events. We surrendered our souls
to a days of love, lust, fun, laughter, friendship and
intimacy.
During our April love in–intense, dramatic, life-changing,
with obstacles and hurdles–some podmates grew closer, others
discontinued their sexual relating, still others redefined
their sexual status. Certain members who were open sexually
to each other the last time we met weren’t as sexual with
each other this time. Lovers shift and share in different
ways every time they meet. We get our fill of one partner
then need to explore others next time we come together. Free
of judgements, we ebb and flow. Whenever we notice ourselves
judging, we explore our inner critics and criticisms. No
matter whom we connected with in the pod, the love stays
strong among us each and all. We support each other through
tears, anger, bliss. We vowed to continue sharing at the
Harbin PolyCon May12.
At Harbin, once again, I blew my mind. Just when I thought
I’d found enough love, thought I’m so full I could burst, I
fell in love with more people from among the wonderful folks
at the conference. Even poly newbies who attended were
mature, open and evolving fast and their transition to
loving more, healing, accepting others and more expansive
ways of relating made everything easy and relaxed. I opened
my heart more, had a good time and didn’t feel stressed
though I was responsible for putting on this conference. I
mixed work with pleasure and the work felt like like fun. At
last, I thought, I’ve arrived; everything was perfect except
for one thing. I was challenged and destabilized by what my
husband Sasha did.
At the previous conferences I’ve run, I felt stressed
getting everyone registered at the conference, answering
questions and managing everything. This conference, just as
I relaxed, Sasha, as part of a partner exercise in Scott
Longwell’s workshop, expressed intense emotions. All in the
room turned their attention to Sash, and I thought everyone
could tell Sash’s emotions were aimed at me. I was shocked
and embarrassed. I want Sash to explore these issues (as the
emotions leaked into our daily lives), but I want him to
explore in private, not in this public place where I run
everything and need to maintain my cool.
Michael held me as I watched Scott skillfully lead Sasha
through his pain. I felt Sasha’s pain and cringed as he
emoted. Michael comforted me as Scott finally led the group
back to their partner processes. I forced a smile, choked
back tears and internally processed my emotions. I shifted
my focus to Michael whose turn it was in the process to
express his emotions. I didn’t have time to fully express my
feelings but I pulled myself together and carried on. Before
the conference ended the Universe provided help in ways I
couldn’t have imagined.
For the rest of the conference I followed the poly path to
the loving oneness with all--our natural state--and fell in
love with several new people. As I encounter more people who
heal the illusion of separateness, I feel safe with them,
open to love sharing with them because I feel our oneness.
On my Higher Self level, I know I love everyone. I have a
huge capacity to love. Though my Ego Self believes I’m
limited by time I realize time’s an illusion. My Ego
partitions life, makes judgments based on time and decides
with whom to connect. In the past, my co-dependency and
expectations caused much pain and anguish for me, my
partners and potential partners. Now I just love. From this
freedom, love grows naturally. Lovers and I gravitate to
where we need to be and find ourselves with those with whom
we most need to share love.
In the divine perfection of the universal plan, I found
myself in the hot-tub at Harbin talking with K. Although I’d
known K for many years, he was a newbie to our pod. He’d
visited us during our April love-in on Maui. We’d kissed and
cuddled then, but lacked time to fully explore our
connection. I encouraged K to put his time on Maui into
another of our podmates, J, to whom he was attracted and who
needed his help. K’s a great counselor. J was having
difficulty detaching from a long-term relationship that was
falling apart and changing form. I’m compersive and enjoyed
K loving J. Until now at Harbin there’d always been some
kind of obstacle to K and I fully sharing love. This year
with Kirsten and Mike helping manage the conference, I had
time enough to consummate my love for K.
Sasha, busy MC-ing the conference, gave his blessings for me
to make love with K. Sasha and I always, in advance, clear
intimate connections with one another as part of our
relationship commitment to total honesty and finding lovers
that work for both of us. If one of us makes love with
someone, that person affects us both energetically. We never
get involved with anyone who doesn’t resonate with both of
us. In addition, Sasha knows I’m workaholic and rarely take
time for myself. He encouraged me to connect with K, whom he
likes and respects as a good ally. Sash was delighted K
helped our other podmate and said K’d make not only a good
lover for me, but an excellent podner all of us in the
group.
K and I enjoyed our lovemaking. Making love for the first
time with someone’s always interesting. How do we fit? Do
our bodies align? What positions will work? Will he, without
taking offense, take direction as to how I like to be
touched? Can we connect physically so I can have an orgasm?
Can he maintain an erection without ejaculating so he don’t
finish before I climax? Can he kiss without causing brush
burns on my face? Can I move past thinking of all these
things and just enjoy the moment?
I have to laugh. An Aquarian, I’m always thinking; it’s hard
for me to surrender to lovemaking and stop thinking so much.
Now that I’m no longer make connections from the “falling in
love” standard of yesteryear, I have to teach myself how to
“grow in love” and take things slower, appreciate each
individual and his or her unique way of connecting. I have
to reprogram myself and learn “how to love” in new ways
outside of the old romantic, co-dependent paradigm I
followed in previous, monogamous relationships.
In the busy-ness of business, I didn’t really get to connect
fully with my pod-ners during the conference. What’s amazing
is that while I didn’t get to connect all the ways I like
with my podmates at the conference, I still felt my oneness
with them. The love I feel for them grows exponentially
every time we meet. My podmates and the new people we
connected with at the conference floated in the same level
of awareness and consciousness all weekend. Without touching
or even speaking, we maintained our connection.
I didn’t have to take care of any of my podmates; each was
an independent ambassador of love. Each reached out and
connected with one or more others. They connected with the
new people that gathered, made everyone feel loved, welcomed
and accepted. As a result, our pod grew into a tribe. Our
connections are deep, intimate and profound. They’re more
than our physical selves. While lovemaking and physical
connection is usually one of the primary focuses of
polyamory, I’ve become aware of the non-local connectivity
of our global, poly family. To me polyamory feels like a
spiritual movement as well as a socio-political one.
Next, our expanded tribe will now go out and connect with
the world. Each time we gather, our collective consciousness
expands and we realize how much we CAN do to make effective
changes on this planet. We’re no longer helpless
individuals; we’re now a powerful collective able to free
all people so that they too, now and forever, can chose
relationships they want.
After the conference finished, I tried to clear my distress
with Sasha for airing his emotions toward me in Scott’s
workshop. We were both exhausted, sleep-deprived and
stressed, so my best attempts failed and I made things worse
because we argued. I hate fights. Frustrated, issues
unresolved, we decided to sleep and talk again the next day.
But the next day, we again fought. Destablized because we
had a deadline to check out of Harbin, I got more and more
anxious as I hurried to pack. How did I get all that stuff
in the suitcases in the first place? Despite my best
attempts to control myself, I barked at everyone. I needed
everyone to get out of my way so I could think and pack
without leaving anything behind.
I turned around to grab something and Terry, one of the
conference attendees and friends
(lovers?) with K was standing right inside the door of my
room. “Oh, she’s come to say goodbye. That’s nice”, I
thought and secretly wanted her to hurry up and leave
because I really had to get out of there. She excused
herself and left, nodding politely. But she soon returned
and tried to talk with me. She’s a trained NVC (Non-violent
Communications) expert and was there to facilitate me and
Sasha, if I wanted her help. Terry expertly helped Sasha and
me regain our centers and re-connect. I think there’s a
higher purpose for all that happens, especially what I
perceive as negative. I think the higher reason Sasha and I
fought was to create the situation for Terry and me to
connect.
Terry and her partner, Steve, said they planned to come to
Maui. We decided to have them come stay with us at our
community. K, excited at that news, decided to return to our
place on Maui with Terry and Steve. Jaiia, Sasha and
Ifelt that Terry and Steve coming to Maui is the next
logical step to further explore our connections; we
unanimously decided to open our hearts and home to them.
My heart’s full of love and gratitude. I’m so glad to be
poly, to have the opportunity to host conferences with my
incredible team of co-presenters and beloveds. I’m so
looking forward to the next time and hope to bring this
loving energy to more parts of the globe.
Home at last, I’ve settled back in my nest with the Maui
branch of our pod. We still have our issues, just like
anyone else. We hope that with NVC and the other
communication technologies we use, we can clear these
issues. There’s something warm and fuzzy about creating a
family out of friends and lovers that you’re drawn to rather
than limiting yourself to only one partner and your
relatives. We truly can have it all, the best of all worlds.
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World Polyamory Association 
